closing remarks

I'm going home. Wow. I would like to begin by saying that I'm really happy with this decision and that I've received incredible support from Peace Corps staff, fellow volunteers, my host family, and my family at home. So now everyone can stop holding their breath and hopefully enjoy reading how this decision came about so abruptly.

I never made it to my site, but you can read all about that in my previous post. The house being ready "just now" turned into a month-long waiting game that left everyone a bit disillusioned and weary of the whole situation. Peace Corps thought it best to remove me from the site and place me elsewhere. As it turns out, there weren't really any alternate sites that would have created a better situation... I would write more on this matter but I don't particularly feel like pointing fingers or blaming anyone for what happened because, well, I'm happy. So we'll leave it at that.

These past several weeks in limbo gave me a lot of time to think. As it turns out, my experience with Peace Corps was not what I had expected. When I first applied for the Peace Corps 16 months ago, my life looked completely different than it does now. I wanted to do service work, that's a given for any PCV, but I also was hungry for new experiences in a new place. I had nothing holding me back. No commitments, no responsibilities, and no reasons to stay. It made sense to do this. Just as it made sense to join the Peace Corps all those many months ago, it now makes sense for me to go home. I've realized that being away from the love of my life for the next two years is an unfathomably daunting task. Call it fate, insanity, coincidence, divine intervention, or just my golden ticket out, but when things fell through with my site, I felt as if it all happened for a reason. Hence why I feel so good about this decision.

Guyana has taught me so much. No matter where you go, people are the same. Time isn't all that important and watches might just be a waste of money. Dogs and children are the loudest things on the planet, goats are the cutest. It is possible to sweat profusely 24/7, though not pleasant. There's nothing better than fresh coconut water on a hot day, coming home to the smell of curry cooking when you're hungry, huddling under a mosquito net with close friends to watch a movie, and telling Guyanese people about what you made for dinner and having them say, "Wha? You cook dat all in one pot?!" Oh, and having them ask you "Shopping, shopping?" when you're clearly shopping. I'll never forget gaffing with Anita over breakfast, life chats with Kristin (I promise that I'll try to not be so pretentious this time around ;)), Marsh's poetry recitations, days marked only by the number of pages colored in a coloring book, leading yoga sessions at the landing, nearly sinking in the Essequibo River, burning my fingers while attempting to properly clap roti, or singing "I Will Always Love You" to a random guy on the street (that's another story).

I'm coming home with only happy memories. Guyana came at the right time in my life and it taught me what's really important in life. Namely, love. Go figure, right? So if anyone wants to find me, I'll be in San Francisco. It's time for my next big adventure, but this time I won't be flying solo :) Wish me luck!

just now

I arrived on the Essequibo coast almost 3 weeks ago with the intention of moving into my new house and beginning my service. Things don't always go as planned. Life near the equator is strange. You see, there are no seasons. It's always summer. There are no mornings, no afternoons, and no evenings. When the sun rises, it rises all the way, and when it sets, well, it just sets. Complete darkness in a matter of seconds. Everything in between is just midday.

I had to make a trip to Georgetown on Saturday to retrieve some packages from home that were being held at the post office. My watch stopped working at 11:20 a.m. and I spent the entire day having no clue what time it was. Before I caught on, I actually thought it was 11:20 for most of the day! As I was taking the speedboat home, I thought that it could be any time between 2 and 6 p.m. I forget sometimes that time even exists because there are no indicators. It's permanently noon on a hot summer day. That being said, no one is in a hurry to finish my house.

Further proof that time is irrelevant in Guyana is the phrase "just now." What does "just now" mean? Well, it means that something is going to take place in an unspecified time period. For instance, you may ask a mini-bus driver when his bus is going to leave. "Just now, Miss, just now." You may wait 1 minute, or 10, or 20, or an hour. You never really know. You may ask someone what time dinner will be ready. "Just now." When a meeting will start. "Just now." Or even when your house will be ready so that you can move into your community and start work. "Just now."

I realize that I may be coming across as frustrated or annoyed but I'm not at all. I've learned a lot about acceptance over these past few months. Sometimes you just have to let go of all expectations. You simply have to live in the present moment. Once you stop thinking about what's even going to happen in the next 10 minutes, "just now" makes perfect sense. In the States, our days are almost always predetermined. We have the whole day mapped out before we even get out of bed. The alarm goes off at a specific time. We leave for work at a specific time. We clock in at a specific time. We take lunch. We go home. We cook dinner. We watch the evening news. And before you know it, it's bedtime. Things are different when time doesn't exist. The sun comes up, you get out of bed. Once you finish the morning chores, you go to work. When you get hungry, you go home for lunch. Start to get restless in the afternoon? Workday is over. You cook when you're hungry. You sleep when the mosquitoes are hungry. It's simple. What you don't get done today, you can get done tomorrow. No deadlines, no timelines, no schedules. You just live life.

Farewell for now, all you slaves of the clock. I promise to write again just now.